What is Relational Connection All About?
Consumption Vs. Connection and Why to Build Joyful Relationships Instead of Isolation.
After roughly fourteen years of working with children consistently, it never ceases to catch my fascination of the individuality of each being. From when babysitting my siblings as toddlers, to spending a week at camp with high schoolers, there has never been a duplicate person. But there is one thing that remains consistent throughout, no matter the child or their age: the evidence of any relational neglect. Some children aren't quite as needy as others for attention and are a little more independent. They like animals better, or need to take time reading or writing to re-energize. However, no matter the child, whenever they experience positive interaction resulting from connection with another person, the change in their demeanor is very evident. They have stories to share, and accomplishments to tell of. They will laugh. The will try harder, stand a little straighter, or look around more alertly. Their bits of joy overflow from their smiles without any effort. Away go the symptoms of relational neglect.
Do you ever notice how particular you are about physical comforts because they can't be offended by your annoyance if they don't measure up? Objects never argue or care what you think. Alternately, our emotions are effected by objects (food, entertainment, products, etc.) in a way that is a shadow of how our emotions are effected relationally- you consume (eat, drink, watch, play, earn money, etc.) positively and it equals happy emotions. As opposed to consumption, when you relate (connect) positively with another human, you experience levels of joy depending on the type of connection.
Our five senses help to determine how we interact with the world and those around us. Scientific experiments have looked at the brain while listening to music. It seems they've found that music engages, not only part of the brain, but the whole brain at once, which is very interesting. Essentially the whole brain is connecting within its partitioned areas as the sounds of music are heard. It's worth noting how influential music is, and how it even inspires all types of connection, but it is enough for now to look at what types of connections people are capable of making…
A poignant example of relational connection happened during an elementary-age summer camp. While on a hike, I gave one of the tired girls a piggy-back ride and asked what her favorite part of camp was. She answered, then proceeded to share more and more- I forget specifically what about, but I'll always remember her name was Mercy. Even when I set her down and we kept walking with the group, Mercy wanted to hold my hand and continue talking. Soon she told me, smilingly, "your mine!", explaining that she now owned me, and I belonged to her. Inwardly, I couldn't stop laughing because of her innocence at the irony of the statement in light of the difference in our skin colors. That was as far from her consciousness as the outer rings of Jupiter! She wasn't even one of the girls in my cabin group, but I'll never forget her contagious smile.
The more you can connect with another human meaningfully, the more joy you have because of that relationship. Listing the tiers of connection briefly, they are these...
1. Experiential connection: commonalities in our humanity open the door of connection with others. Do you have the same language? Do you have a similar history? Do you like the same food? Do you do similar work or have a similar hobby? Many experiences open the door to get to know others and connect beginning with that level. They lead conversationally beyond statements into the area of...
2. Emotional connection- feeling similarly about your experiences. Did you feel happy about the great meal? Did you also feel bored during a long lecture? Did you feel overjoyed to see your friend again after so many months? Emotional connection is the gateway to shared feelings, empathy, and loyalty. The people that you can share your feelings with and be understood by nurture your loyalty to them. Especially if you connect in the next area, too.
3. Intellectual connection... This connection can be short-lived on it's own at times, but when paired with other connections, proves to be very meaningful. Many thinking-priority people would make it a very important point to connect intellectually with others. Having the same ideas, thoughts, and questions regarding life spawn truly significant conversations because the foundation of understanding is easily built between them already. That foundation supports the deeper discussions with disagreements, questions, and ideological biases.
4.Four is spiritual connection. When the experiences, emotions, and intellects of one person pair in connection similarly to another's, the depth of this connection is truly deep. However, if their connection includes the spiritual too, whole nations, movements, and civilizations fall and rise with it's far-sweeping current. Such spirit in the lives of Alexander the great, jungle pilot Jim Elliot, or more recently Donald Trump, are a few examples of relating in such a way, whether with many people, or just some key persons, resulting in momentous events.
Spiritual connection on it's own can be hard to see; seemingly influenced from the outside, but always influencing emotions and decisions from the inside to some degree, it comes and goes. Very mysterious is the way of spiritual connection. It was once written that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places" reflecting a reality of war existing in the spiritual realm between Jesus and Satan for the souls of men. What caused Jesus' disciples' conviction to confess him on pain of death though they themselves witnessed his death? Holy Spiritual connection. And he spoke with them, and they with him, having risen back from the dead. How expansively full their connection was when all one's heart, soul, mind, and strength loved the Lord who conquered Satan with the victory of rising again from death to life!
It was also once written, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?... For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." That metaphysical connection supersedes all physical limitations making it the culmination of all connections. Every person who receives the gift of such a connection with the Lord holds in their very identity a new peace, free from relational neglect. To quote Alistair Begg in one of his sermons regarding Jesus addressing all saved individuals he said, "We're the children." The LORD being our good Father, who gives us of his Spirit.
From experiential to spiritual, we can reflect on the loyalties we hold, to identify which areas of connection make them stronger than others, whether merely experiences in common from which we share some sense of fellowship, or larger scale spiritual-level relational connections near and dear to one's heart. Do certain instances from your own life jump out as examples? In this Information Age of technology, instead of isolation, may a renewed search for deeper relational connections be sought out. They will continue to be the source of overflowing joy, and may they be so also for you.
Sources: Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center. "Music has powerful (and visible) effects on the brain." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 12 April 2017. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/04/170412181341.htm , and Ephesians 6:12 , and Romans 8:35+38-39 , and Alistair Begg, "The One Between".